1. |
Hit Too Hard
04:14
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With a steady stance and a weighted walk
I set out at dawn in a drought of explanation
And the sun cast shadows, which obscured my face
And my head was pounding for the human race
To find a cause to base my carbon footprint on
I stopped to breathe and I realized that I had to leave
It took half a million years, but I figured out what will not save me
I ran off like a petty thief
Trying to feed my family with finger foods
So fittingly I folded
I dropped to my knees
I declined to ask the time or date or towns I'd passed
I relied instead on all the things that I'd been handed
I met a man and I shook his weathered, hardened hand
I avoided blame as I hid behind my passed down last name
I had a choice to make I had a risk to take
So I drew a line and I set a foot on either side
And I stood as long as it took the battle to be won
The past and future raged along while nature's nurtured privileged pawn
Stood timeless in the parking lot of the local suburban shopping mall
I dropped to my knees and I put my faith in the concrete
And I saw complete as the secret became clear to me
With a spit-shined sheen: alive, prepared for anything
I signed a lease; I am older than I used to be
I got to my feet
With a pregnant pause in the ending I was dreaming of
I'd admit defeat rather than defer to something I can't see
I parked my car in a place that I had been before
I am still the same, but different in so many ways
I dropped to my knees
I am stronger than I used to be
I got to my feet
I am farther than I used to be
I dropped to my knees
I am smarter than I used to be
I got to my feet
The same, the same, but differently
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2. |
20
02:24
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I woke up to regret and, silver-spoon-fed
Acknowledged existence, remained insistent
On self-flagellation, on syllable placement
On determination, on education
How to eat and sleep, and not to choke
On the vomit my reflexive thoughts evoke
The white noise in between the erosion of our dreams
Plotting destruction of reasonable options
Of fixed employment, of all enjoyment
So much time spent on pure resentment
The only air to breathe is recycled heat
From our wasted words, the crippling comedy
I can see the end drop from the sky like it's a bomb
And I can't hear the difference between our nervous tics
And a semi-automatic gun
Subjectivity
Is all the rage in the first world countries
All the top percents
Abide by sacred documents
And I'll sing till I can't talk
But I'll still toe the line between explained and lost
What listless liberty
So I sing happy fucking birthday to me
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3. |
Some Prefer Nettles
02:50
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There are times when I am happy
Smiling in and out of phase
My teeth are stained
But I am not embarrassed
There certain things to say
To any doubting Thomas I meet
Lick my wounds and feel my breath
I am alive
I have not seen
Nor do I believe
And I suspect if blessed
Is just a test you pass
Then I am failing
There are times I am a child
Armed with chalk and endless blacktop
But we both know
I'm not cut out to be an artist
More and more I am an adult
Living life like you can win
Or with false profundity
Like it's something you can lose
What a story
We will have to tell
Our children's children all the things
We actually felt
But they won't see it
There's a formula I follow
Perhaps it's possible you've picked up
But you should stick like glue
To what or who you know
But
Who am I to give advice?
What bears repeating
Isn’t something I am sure
I've got a good grip on
So what right do I have to put a chorus in my songs?
But sing along, sing along
With egos proud and voices strong
Sing along, sing along, sing along
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4. |
IMPERATIVE
04:15
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I did not go outside today
It's just as well my desk is by the window
So I can tell if there's anything I'm missing
There is not
There is not
I did not think that I'd be in this place
If you'd asked me. No one asked you
But I am so there's no reason to believe
I'm different than 2000 of me
I am not
But I want
The things I want are simple things
Like love and trust and sanity
And I am on my way
What holds me back are awful things
Like apathy and lack of sleep
Sometimes I can't catch my breath
So I sit with confidence
Because it's easy
Thou shalt not covet what thy neighbor's got
But my god is a jealous god
What he wants is what his neighbor's got
What I want
What I want
The things I want are simple things
Like love and trust and sanity
They are not out of reach
What holds me back are awful things
Like apathy and lack of sleep
Sometimes my throat gets so sore
That I don't want to talk anymore
Sometimes I can't catch my breath
And my heart is beating wildly; I can feel it through my chest
Sometimes I smell the scent of blood
It's pumping overtime to try to keep up
Sometimes I swear I see
People shift across a room there's no one in but me
Sometimes I taste defeat
So I force my tongue as far as it will go into my cheek
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5. |
Poland, 1845
03:15
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The blood of my ancestors
Flows shamefully through my veins
They would cut out my tongue
If they heard the things I sing
I have a marker
And a mind to vandalize
Like I did to my desk
When I was five
What's changed since then
Is a deep appreciation
For the finer things
This side of martyrdom
I set a second timer on the alarm clock
I've got a busy day tomorrow
That I can't afford to miss
Countless counter-culture costumes
I've got to see which one will fit
I've got half a mind to sleep till 3
And opt out of opportunity
So fuck it
It's not a crime
But I think it should be
Then again there's always something
To be done
And boys, no excuse me men
With a mythology of justification
I may stretch my words
But you stretch the truth
So hammer out the meaning
In a solitary grain of sand
And I will raise my hand
And swear on sacred writing
My allegiance to my country
And my god, whichever one you want
I will retract what I have said
And I'll undo what I have done
And our hearts would beat
In anti-solidarity
Between tradition, coincidence
And geography
I've got half a mind to sleep till three
But fitfully
The blood of my ancestors
Survives in me
That's a hell of a responsibility
And our eyes would meet
Then avert themselves immediately
Between embarrassment, reluctance, and psychiatry
I've got half a mind to sleep till three
But fitfully
The blood of my ancestors
Survives in me
That's a hell of a responsibility
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6. |
Going to Pinneberg
04:42
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A mock trial
Throw fairness to the dogs
Turn it over to the angry men in mobs
A stale smile
Like everything would be okay
If you'd just wait it out a while
There are holes in my teeth
I haven't shaved in weeks
It's been at least that long since I got a good night's sleep
The sounds I make are not my own
They are affected tones in a temporary home
See my clarity
Obscure everything I see
What do they know that I don't?
Is there anything that I know that they don't?
Bound and gagged and all tied up
Or freely flying with the doves
I can faintly hear the marching drum
And can't help but tap my feet
The things I think
Are diametrically opposed
A cynic wrapped in polemic's clothes and so
It leaves me sour
So I'm ringing in the new year
By counting out the hours
Sit and celebrate
Mired in my immense distaste
What do they know that I don't?
Is there anything I know that they don't?
Bound and gagged and all tied up
Or freely flying with the doves
I can just make out the marching drum
That sacrament; our savior's blood
There has to be a joie de vivre
They put the joy of cooking in a book
But the bible doesn't speak to me
So I read
So one day I'll know what I don't
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7. |
Ellis Island Blues
03:35
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I have spent all my energy
Collecting souvenirs that I can't keep
I've got no place for them
And besides my life's a mess
I have spent the last few months
In a semi-constant state of anger
Bitterness and self-disgust
So don't tell me my just desserts
Are waiting when I die
Banking on eternity
Is no way to live your life
I’m running towards what I need
But there are tail lights in front of me
I am running from what I know
There is no place left for me to go
So I wander like the ancestors that I've forsaken
Where is my respect?
If my great-great grandparents had only known
That their great-great grandson
Would end up turning people into stone
Do you think they'd have set a fucking foot onto that boat?
I don't, I don't
So don't tell me my just desserts
Are waiting when I die
Banking on eternity
Is no way to live your life
And I'm running towards what I need
But there are taillights in front of me
And I am running from what I know
There is no place left for me to go
Don't tell me my just desserts
Are waiting when I die
Banking on eternity
Is no way to live your life
Life is what you make of it
And I am on the verge of something big
I have seen a sinner's life and death
Stuck a finger in god's face and lived
So I tell my story, absent glory
Sacrificial lamb and nervous twitch
I can see myself in celebration
Giving what is finally mine to give
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8. |
Cartoon Movies
02:48
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Living, breathing human beings
Are crowding my periphery
In glorious passivity
I am surrounded
All of them have names and faces
Loving friends and close relations
Secrets kept in sordid places
Don't you tell a soul
Living, breathing human beings
Are sucking all my energy
With coughing fits a eulogy
Will be in order
With blame alive like crooked teeth
The gaps aflame with subtlety
And everyone including me
Is moving backwards
That single seed in soil sprouts and starts to reach
A little more, a little faith could explain everything
The final two, the count of three, the beat of four
I wouldn't ask for more
Living, breathing human beings
Are walking, running, hurrying
On paper routes and studying
We're so much smarter
Saddling our shoulder blades with
Useless facts and information
Building our own brand new nation
Let my people go
Living, breathing human beings
Are passed out in pools of anything
Drowned in words and cycling
Through cartoon movies
I remember everything
That anybody says to me
So I burn CDs to give for free
That single seed in soil sprouts and starts to reach
A little more, a little faith could explain everything
The final two, the count of three, the beat of four
I wouldn't ask for more
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9. |
Reinventing Adm Linder
03:22
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One thousand songs could turn a person blue
Ten thousand hours could do it too
And I don't want to think about
The countless thousand words that I spit out
Every hour
Don't let me make it sound like I believe
That every second's just some stupid fight through misery
Honestly I wonder, if I got my shit together
And I left, would I miss my friends?
I would never answer that, it's crippling, that’s a heart attack
Some things you just don't say
I can feel the earth; it's shaking
Glass is breaking, people taking stock of what they've done
My life has never flashed before my eyes
For that I'm glad that I am blind
Because what I'd see is a mystery to me
And what I've done is nothing to build a legacy on
If I may be so bold as to assume that I'll grow old
And nothing huge goes wrong and all my threats stay in their songs
I hope that I remember how to read
And I hope that I still have my memory
Cause I'm owned by the extent to which I fear that I'll forget
So I'm scared by middle age that I'll have nothing left to say
I hope that I remember how to read
And I hope that I still have my memory
I'll know I wasn't right, so the older me will like
To hear reminders of his youth he spent hiding from the truth
That opportunity is in everything you can see
One thousand songs could turn a person blue
Ten thousand hours could do it too
And I don't want to think about
The countless thousand words that I spit out
Every hour
Don't let me make it sound like I believe
That every second's just some stupid fight through misery
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10. |
Eff That
03:46
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Pens aside, I don't want to write anything
I've decided I will improvise
I'll save my pride. I don't want to try
To fit the pieces of another puzzle
Cause if we left it up to entropy
Than we could make a symphony
Eventually the parts would play themselves
If we only spoke of here and now
I would never need another town
It gets freezing, but I think we could manage
Pens aside I don't want to write anything
I've decided I will improvise
I'll save my pride, I don't want to try
To fit the pieces of another puzzle
Cause if we stopped to go to sleep
I think we'd lose our empathy
And lately, I have been adhering
To rules of sleep and L.C.D.s
And stolen vocal melodies
I am perfect, but I am not blameless
We could stay up all night long
And we could try and race the sun
We could see it before it's good and ready
We could wrap ourselves in body heat
To combat our identities
With the lights out
It's so god damn peaceful
I was a crooked shooter
An army recruiter
Sending mothers’ sons to scorching desert lands
With my condescending conscience
In a love affair with death
I would throw the whole damn thing away
If I was particularly stressed
Now I'm a freestyle rapper
A sick rhyme crafter
Spitting poetry I make up on the spot
With my lack of shame outshadowed
Only by my lack of fear
I’d be the proverbial one
With the ticket out of the proverbial here
Pens aside this all feels so right
Can you deny? There can't be any other time than this
Pens aside it might be hell outside
But here it's perfect
Fuck it, we have earned this
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11. |
Big and Small Words
03:23
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I dreamt that everyone I love was dead
And I wept; when I woke up, my pillow was wet
I know who is in control
I start slow, but speed up as I go
But oh no, I don't ever listen
And oh no, I don't care enough
Sometimes I don’t let myself see past my own skull
My eyes closed, I think I see the world in total
I know who is in control
I start slow, but speed up as I go
But oh no, I don't ever listen
And oh no, I don't care enough
I've come to see the savagery
In open jawed hypocrisy
With sunken eyes and calloused feet
I'm tired and I'm bored
I've always known the tragedy
Complacent in depravity
Catastrophe and apathy
And other words that rhyme like that
Like cat and hat and sat and fat
I am only useful if I'm self-contained
But oh no I have always listened
Oh no I care far too much
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12. |
How Much
06:01
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On the cloudiest night through a satellite's eyes
You can see it
The people below throwing stones
Sleep in attics and basements
There's a war we all know and we're scared
That we'll have to go fight it
So for several years we've just fought one another to spite it
The final frontier has been cleared
Now it's closed so we're clinging
To what we've got left
Our few honest attempts at a living
And halfway around the world
People are dying
And on Birch St. the leaves on the trees
Laugh but look like they're sighing
I want to know
Where you think that you are going
And god help your soul
If that's what you believe
For a couplet I sold
What was left of my integrity
And I don't have goals
But I do have an apartment
In a city full of people
And a subtle, sinking feeling
We're all equals
I wouldn't expect to hear those words from you
So I bid a fond farewell with this excuse
I want to know what I don't know
I want to know what no one knows
I'll learn to swim so I will float
Or I will tread water and gracelessly sink below
Like death is a puzzle and I learned where the pieces all go
So on every goddamn cloudy night through every eye of every satellite
I am foaming at the mouth
And with every stone you people throw at bleeding hearts and broken bones
I am laughing
And that war we'll one day have to fight is as visceral as a synapse fired
I am waiting
I shook the hand of father time I spit in my own and I looked him in the eye
I am not sorry
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Sister City Maryland
Baltimore / Philadelphia tenuous punkish kinda indie rockish
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